heyyy so. i went into this movie expecting a really cute fishy romance, which it. almost was. but i had no idea there was gonna be extremely graphic, gratuitous violence, a hell of a lot of nudity and sex scenes (one dude literally fucks his wife on screen which was a lot), and a cat gets eaten on screen.
the cat thing was the most upsetting, the rest was just either really awkward or unsettling. but, yeah. i had no idea about any of that, and was kind of unnerved coming out of the film.
please be careful if you plan on seeing this movie. it’s not a bad movie, but i’ll admit i was really put off.
Yeah seriously! It was really really good, but I had a panic attack after the film because it was so stressful, and an employee had to literally hold my hand and lead me out of the theatre step by step, because I had such a bad shutdown …
Movie, here I come!!! Can’t wait to see it…which will be in February in my part of the world :(((
By the time I get to see it in cinemas I’ll probably have pieced the whole movie together via tumblr gif sets.
no. they are dead and scary not in a hot way. yes even the two at the end. 0/10
any of the kaiju from pacific rim
they are big rowdy boys so banging them is inadvisable, but, really, how much do we actually know about them? they could learn to love. 1/10
The Pale Man
absolutely not. eats kids and represents the selfish greed of those in power. -1000000000000/10
The Faun
shifty as heck, always speaking in riddles and half truths. i don’t trust him but i’d bang him. 4/10
(this is where we start getting into creatures that we know are equipped to have sex)
Hellboy
he’s immature, for sure, but he has a good heart and loves kittens. Plus he’s got a rockin bod and a tail, so i’m not sure what else you could want in a bf. 8/10
Abe Sapien
i love this sweet sweet nerdy fish boy. he’s a bit shy and maybe has some boundary issues but all in all he’s a good boy. 9/10
The Gillman (AKA The Asset)
what is there to say about this beautiful boy that hasn’t already been said? he’s sweet, kind, sensual, and has a booty that just won’t quit. when will he steal me away to the Amazon to live forever in his strong arms. 10/10
Point of contention: Hellboy should be ranked higher. He would be an *extremely* good boyfriend, there’s an entire arc about that. Comes back from the dead and gives up the kingdom of Hell to support you. Good. Amazing. Wonderful boyfriend.
Now here are some more:
Sammael, AKA the desolate one
Probably not a great boyfriend. Selfish, doesn’t have time for you. But hey, you’re a monster fucker or you’re not a monster fucker and if you’re a monster fucker then at least this will be a party in the sack, look at all those tentacles .057/10
Prince Nadua
Looooooooook, look, we all sometimes have bad days and low self-esteem and do things that are self-destructive. But there is no excuse for this nonsense, worst boyfriend, wants to destroy humanity, sure his hair looks great and damn those cheekbones but DO NOT. 0/10
Liz
Yes. Serious, committed, knows what she wants, takes no bullshit, loves with all her heart, sees past your flaws but calls you out when you’re being a butt. Liz is the best 17/10
BUT LISTEN, a nice long therapy and Nuada would be fine, he just needs anger management and learn to let it fucking go. JFC I remember back in 2008 when Hellboy II hit the cinemas and I saw that pale chest on the big screen and I heard him speaking elvish and I was lost right then and there and it was a miracle I got out of the cinema on my own, my knees were that weak lol. I would slam that ostentatious asshat on the mattress ten times a day I swear…
I watched Pride and Prejudice and Zombies last night and found it to be a real treat. I couldn’t resist sharing this scene because it basically encapsulates everything I’d want from a Reylo fight scene in The Last Jedi – abundant sexual tension, badass combat and gratuitously sexy fabric slicing.
Monsters and Villains 