ALPHA GODDESS by Amalie Howard
In Serjana Caelum’s world, gods exist. So do goddesses. Sera knows this because she is one of them. A secret long concealed by her parents, Sera is Lakshmi reborn, the human avatar of an immortal Indian goddess rumored to control all the planes of existence. Marked by the sigils of both heaven and hell, Sera’s avatar is meant to bring balance to the mortal world, but all she creates is chaos. A chaos that Azrath, the Asura Lord of Death, hopes to use to unleash hell on earth.
Torn between reconciling her past and present, Sera must figure out how to stop Azrath before the Mortal Realm is destroyed. But trust doesn’t come easy in a world fissured by lies and betrayal. Her best friend Kyle is hiding his own dark secrets, and her mysterious new neighbor, Devendra, seems to know a lot more than he’s telling. Struggling between her opposing halves and her attraction to the boys tied to each of them, Sera must become the goddess she was meant to be, or risk failing, which means sacrificing the world she was born to protect.
Check out this book on Goodreads: Alpha Goddess (Alpha Goddess #1) https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/18211066-alpha-goddess
Reylo vibe recommendation by @agir1ukn0w who also submitted these quotes from the book:
1. “She was nothing but flame in the deep of hell’s embrace.
‘Welcome Serjana,’ whispered a throaty voice. ‘I have been waiting for
you.’ Sera lurched upright in bed, gasping, images from her nightmare
still flashing like lightbulbs in her brain…a boy swathed in shadows
beckoning, calling to her. A flicker of a kiss that tasted like blood.”
2. “On cue, a fleeting memory of the kiss in her dream winked
into her brain. A shudder rolled through her. It’d been some kind of
faceless monster, half-boy, half-something else. Had the blood been
hers? His?…the monster’s faceless shape still loomed on the edge of her
thoughts like a dark stain; mocking her, taunting her with the fact that
she’d like it, that she’d enjoyed its kiss, that she’d begged for
more.”
– pg. 2-3
3. “Gifted with an unusual birthright, Kyle could read the auras of
all manner of beings — mortal, immortal, celestial, bestial. Even if the
beings were shaded or
hidden, he knew what they were. He could see
right through them. As a kid, the innate ability to sense hundreds of
energies had been overwhelming, like too many screaming voices in his
head at once. After his parents died, Kyle suppressed his gift and kept
mostly to himself…Sera had been the only person who’d ever made him feel
anything. She made him want to be…better. It didn’t take long for Kyle
to develop feelings for Sera, which he hid fiercely. He knew she didn’t
feel the same way about him, and he didn’t want to lose her friendship.
Worse, if she knew the truth about what he was, she’d think he was
insane. So Kyle had convinced himself that she knew the little that was
good about him, and that was all that mattered.”
4. “And she was strong, stronger than any he’d ever felt. Her
shade was nearly faultless. Most deities existing on the mortal plane
had shades specifically to cloak their energy. Usually Kyle could see
right through them, but he’d never met another with one quite like
hers.”
5. “Something foul and vengeful unfurled in his belly, and he
clawed at where her fingers had touched him. You should have shattered
the bones in her hand, a terrible voice whispered in his head. Kyle
swallowed past the sudden hoarseness in his throat as self-loathing
consumed him…inside, the thing within writhed, delighted at the gruesome
turn of his thoughts…It was in his blood. He was every bit as evil as
Jude…maybe worse because he hid his true nature, pretending to be
someone else for Sera’s sake. Fury and self-disgust flowed throughout
him as his fingers curled into fists. Deep down, he knew he could not be
trusted.”
6. “[Kyle’s] body ached. He felt dirty, inside and out. The
darkness within him was like a malignant, spreading stain—one that was
growing harder to suppress…as if something vile was clawing its way to
freedom. One thing Kyle was certain of was that Jude must never ever
know how strong Sera’s mother was—it would only put Sera in danger.”
7. “Kyle steeled himself, reaching into his darkest depths for
the monster within, and released his ironclad control of it. This was
what he wanted and if he needed to prove his loyalty, then he’d do what
he had to do. He felt an odd sensation of bliss as if the beast were
reveling in its freedom, and although a part of him cringed away from
it, another part embraced it.”
8. “Before he could take two steps, a woman and a young boy of
about fourteen stepped out from a pile of crates. They looked normal,
clad in jeans and long-sleeved shirts. Kyle frowned. Knowing what they
were, they seemed so young and so human. But it was just a shade, he
knew. The woman spoke in a soft voice. ‘He’s not Preta.’ ‘He’s the one
who brought them here,’ the boy told her, ‘the ones waiting outside…But
you’re right, he’s not like them.’ ‘What is your name, child?’ the woman
asked. Child? ‘Kyle,’ he responded without thinking. ‘Why are you with
them?’ the boy said. ‘You’re not like them. You are not what they are.
Surely you must know that your humanity gives you a choice.’ Someone
outside the barn howled. Jude was getting impatient. Kyle felt the beast
inside him flexing obediently in response, shoving against him, and for
a moment, he wanted to scream with the force of it. Kyle shook his
head, forcing the monster back as sour bile rose into his mouth. ‘You’re
wrong, I don’t have a choice. You don’t know what they’re capable of,
what I’m capable of.’ ‘There’s always a choice.’ Kyle’s heart and
conscience twisted into knots as the woman spoke, her voice soft,
musical.”
9. “‘Will you let one of us go then?’ Her companion turned to
her, his expression concerned. ‘No,’ the boy said forcefully. ‘Yes,’ she
argued…They shared a brief wordless exchange, but her gaze fluttered
back to Kyle. It was heavy, compassionate, and sad, and he felt it to
his bones. His eyes watered, and he brushed at them blindly, furious at
this unexpected display of emotion. ‘It’s not weakness, you know,’ the
woman said, gently reading his thoughts. ‘It’s empathy. Man has always
held such a great capacity for it.’ Kyle felt her words wash over him,
for a moment clearing away the demon that hounded him. ‘Trust yourself,
Kyle. All is never lost, not when there’s love in your heart.’ ‘I’m not
human. You’re wrong about me. I don’t know how to love.’…Sera’s face
clouded his vision…His gaze dropped from [the woman’s] eyes to the
floor. ‘Go then,’ he said to the boy urgently… ‘Go now, before I change
my mind.’ ‘Thank you.’ The boy bowed. ‘Your kindness will not be
forgotten.’ Then he was gone, slipping into the shadows of the side of
the building.”
10. ”‘You’re not afraid?’ Kyle asked the woman, his skull aching
from the pressure of Jude’s impatience and the insistent tug of the
beast within him. A part of him was angry that he’d let the boy go,
turning his voice into little more than a growl. ‘They’ll show you no
mercy.’ ‘No.’ Her smile was radiant. ‘You’re not like them, Kyle. Hold
on to that when the light is at its dimmest…’”
11. “Kyle kept his face carefully composed, knowing Jude would
find any excuse to belittle him…Kyle paused and eyed Jude. ‘So do I?’
‘Do you what?’ Jude growled. ‘Belong.’ Jude shot him another assessing
look, but Kyle kept his face blank. ‘…I’ll need to clear it with Lord
Azrath.’ Jude smiled. ‘And then there’s the first order of
business…Prove yourself. Kill her…’ Kyle knelt next to the woman…He
barely sensed any light in her at all. He took the sword…and held it
across his lap…He hated the way the hilt rested in his hand, as if it
belonged there, and the odd sense of power it gave him. ‘I’m so sorry,’
he whispered aloud. Checking around, he brushed the hair out of [her]
face and felt the same connection when his skin touched hers. There was
no voice this time, just emptiness. He held the weapon against the side
of her chest with shaking hands and closed his eyes. You have to do
this, he told himself roughly. She’s as good as dead anyway. But the
blood will be on your hands, an inner voice argued. It’s already on my
hands. Kyle… He opened his eyes and stared into a pair of eyes like
clear silver pools. He almost jerked back, but a hand held his, and the
sword, in place against her ribs… ‘I can’t do it,’ he whispered.
You…must. I can’t, he thought. His tears were reluctant and hot. Kyle
felt her fingers slide against his, squeezing gently. Before he could
guess her intent, she gave a last, labored breath, and pushed against
the heel of the blade. It’s razor sharp edge slid home…and her eyes
glazed over. Kyle grasped her face between his palms…And then she was
gone, those clear eyes fading and darkening in death, nothing but a
lifeless shell left behind. For an instant, the darkness arched inside
him—revoltingly joyful—until Kyle dug his nails into his palms, burying
its demonic bliss with his own pain.”
12. “By nature of what he was, he was already damned…And dying
after all he’d done meant that there was only one place for him.
Xibalba. Hell…The torment of Xibalba was unimaginable. So why did he now
feel so conflicted? Was it because of [the woman’s] words? She’d made
it sound like he had some kind of a choice in his future. Deep down,
Kyle knew that he was only deluding himself. She hadn’t known who he
was—the real truth of what he was. In a world ruled by gods and demons,
his fate was tied to the side of the dark. There was no chance of
redemption for him. He deserved Xibalba, and more.”
13. “Kyle was torn. What he’d wanted for so long was now about
to become a reality: immortality on Earth just for the tiny fee of his
soul. Before, doing whatever Jude and Azrath wanted seemed like a small
price to pay given the alternative—eternity in the Dark Realms—but now,
everything he’d believed was upended.”
14. “Kyle held his palm up, and it shook uncontrollably. ‘That’s
because you’re human,’ Marcus said with a laugh, watching him out of
the corner of his eye. ‘What?’ ‘The shaking. It’s natural for humans.
Preta don’t suffer from emotion.’ Marcus grinned. ‘Just pleasure.’ ‘Will
it go away?’ Marcus’ smile widened into a rictus grin. ‘After you’ve
killed enough of them, sure.’ Kyle felt the bile rise into his throat
again and fought the wave of sickness down. There was no way he could
ever do this again. Nothing made sense to him anymore. His plan had
always been to pledge himself to Azrath and to escape Xibalba. And with
Jude boasting about Azrath’s coming apocalypse, Kyle still wanted to
make sure that he was aligned with the right side, if only to protect
Sera. The warrior goddess had been wrong about him. He was worse than
the Azura. His real father had made sure of that.”
15. “Kyle’s mind jerked back to the last time he’d seen his
mother, lying in a pool of blood on the kitchen floor, a long
wooden-handled blade slipping from her hand. She had tried to kill him
and slipped, impaling herself instead. ‘You are cursed,’ she’d gurgled.
Kyle had stood petrified as she writhed, watching her transform before
his eyes into something monstrous…The police had found him there in the
kitchen, screaming, sitting beside his dead mother. It had taken four
grown men to hold him down in order to sedate him. Kyle was placed in
state foster care soon after that. From that moment on, the young Kyle
lived with a reckless abandon and such careless disrespect for his own
life that he’d been sentenced to a Juvenile Youth Hall four times before
his twelfth birthday. The memory of what had happened that night had
faded into something dull and colorless. He’d rationalized that if he
was cursed and going to hell anyway, he’d do it in grand style. Until
he’d met Sera, Kyle had had no reason to change. He’d never had a
friend, never felt real love. But the minute he’d met her, all Kyle
wanted was Sera. He needed her. He’d do anything to avoid going to
Xibalba, even if it meant sacrificing others just to remain near her.”
16. “Kyle shook his head to clear the murkiness…Shadows filled
his bleary vision as a person dressed in a red dress stopped in front of
him. ‘Welcome, Kyle,’ a lilting voice said. ‘I am, as you may have
guessed, Lord Azrath.’ ‘But…you’re a woman!’ Kyle stuttered… ‘I am many
things,’ Azrath said…Suddenly, she shifted into a tall slender man with
platinum white hair and a clean-shaven face. He wore a tailored suit and
an arrogant expression…Azrath shifted again, but this time his figure
rose to more than eight feet tall. Blood-red dragon-like wings arced
above and behind his arms. The creature was terrible and beautiful at
the same time. It’s face was perfect in its symmetry, artistic lines of
smooth fire and ebony, with eyes like burning coals—eyes that boasted of
hidden terrors and unseen agonies. The Azura Lord of Death…The
monster’s voice was mellifluous, at odds with its horrific exterior yet
strangely familiar, as it began yet another effortless transformation.
This time, Kyle backed away on his hands…as the figure of his mother
strode toward him. ‘No. You’re dead!’ Kyle whispered. ‘Am I?’ his mother
said mockingly. ‘Perhaps I should finish the job I failed to do?’ she
said, walking toward Kyle, hand outstretched. Kyle cringed and closed
his eyes. The barest, gentlest touch made his eyes snap open. His
‘mother’ had shifted forms to the woman he’d first seen. She knelt
beside him and drew his shaking body into a soft embrace. ‘It’s all
right,’ she soothingly cooed against his ear. A scent of rose curled
around him, but beneath it lay something cloying and sour with a touch
of death—more like dying roses on a grave. Kyle shivered involuntarily
and the woman pulled him closer. ‘Don’t be afraid,’ she said to him.
‘Most of it isn’t real…Sometimes the ones destined for Xibalba face the
ones they’ve wronged the most. Other times, it’s loved ones or feared
ones. For you, that could be your mother.’ ‘How do you…She said I
was…cursed.’… ‘And so you are. But to me your curse has been a windfall,
and you shall be rewarded for your loyalty, my darling boy.’…She smiled
into his eyes and Kyle felt blissful. He shook it off roughly, steeling
himself. He knew exactly what Azrath was and that this form was just an
illusion. ‘Jude has told me so much about you…Now that you’ve proved
yourself worthy, I’d like you to join me…You must swear loyalty to me
and renounce any other,’ Azrath told him. ‘After the ritual, in death,
you will be bonded to me in service forever…You have to die to serve me,
Kyle. You will become Azura, immortal as I am, and more powerful than
you ever imagined.’ ‘In this realm?’ ‘Yes, and in Xibalba when I choose
to have you accompany me after we have opened the portals between the
realms.’ She studied him like a cat toying with a mouse. The foul stench
under the roses grew stronger, and Kyle almost gagged. ‘Before the
ritual, I want to see for myself what you see—this ability of yours
intrigues me. And so, you must let me into you and we will become as
one…I will know your every thought, and whether you are as loyal to me
as you claim.’ Kyle felt the air leave his body. She would see
everything inside of him. He thought about what he knew about Sera’s
mother and suddenly his plan seemed full of so many holes that he
couldn’t breathe. The Preta would find and kill her immediately—he knew
it. Then they’d kill him, if Azrath didn’t do it first. He felt Azrath’s
soft caress against his head and steeled himself from flinching. Her
touch, so soft before, suddenly felt menacing. He knew Azrath would
discover that he lied to Jude and, in effect, betrayed her. He was worse
than dead, as far as he could tell, and there was nothing he could do
about it.”
– pg. 116-120
17. “‘Micah,’ Kyle began, ‘there’s something I need to tell you. I’m
not entirely human. I don’t know what I am.’ He stared at the floor.
‘Something else, something worse.’ The boy’s eyes were gentle. ‘As long
as you have a drop of human blood in you, there is always hope.’”
18. ”‘Looks like we both have secrets,’ Kyle said… ‘I don’t want
to keep anything from you anymore, Sera. I have something to tell you,
something about me. It’s why I can heal so easily, why I didn’t die.’ He
coughed again… ‘I’m not exactly…human, as you may have already
guessed.’ Sera’s smile was unexpected. Kyle could have sworn her whole
face glowed from some light burning inside of her. ‘Me too,’ she said
with a shaky smile. ‘I guess I’m not either.’”
19. “Kyle clamped his lips together, realizing what he’d
confessed. But it was too late…‘It’s not what you think,’ he said. ‘I
only met [Azrath] today, after Micah tracked the Preta and showed up at
the shack. But he retreated back into a portal…’ Sam pulled himself up
to his feet and stumbled toward Kyle…‘What does he want with you, Kyle?’
Kyle stared at the floor, his fingers crossing over one another.
Looking up at Sam’s worried face, though, Kyle realized he he had to
trust someone, and if he couldn’t trust Sera, he’d trust her father if
only because he loved her as much as Kyle did. ‘He wants my ability,’ he
began after a deep breath, spitting the bitter words out of his mouth.
‘I can feel energies, even shaded ones. I helped them find Daeva. For
Fyre. I’m not proud of what I’ve done, and I’ve done some terrible
things. After I met Sera I knew even more that I didn’t want to end up
in Xibalba. Azrath is, was, the only way out for me to stay here, with
her…I find the Daeva and the Preta kill them. That’s how I met Micah. I
led them right to him and Aria. It’s my fault she died.’ Kyle stared
ahead, unseeing. ‘And it’s my fault Sera’s in danger. My mother was
right,’ he whispered. ‘I am a curse to everyone around me. I should have
let her kill me when she had the chance.’ ‘It’s not your fault,’ Sam
said gently, but Kyle shied away from his kindness. ‘You’re wrong. You
don’t know what I am. My mother, she knew, and she tried to kill me. She
was trying to save me. But she failed. And so I did everything possible
to finish the job she’d started. Until I met Sera, nothing mattered to
me—not death, not living, not Xibalba, nothing. I don’t even know who I
am.’ Kyle crouched down to the floor, his head in his hands. ‘When my
mother died, she…told me that I would be in Xibalba after my seventeenth
birthday. When I met the Preta, I knew who they were, what they did.
And I saw Azrath as a way out. So I took it. No matter the cost. I turn
seventeen soon, so I don’t have a lot of time. I was desperate.’ ‘Kyle,
does Azrath know anything about Sera?’ Micah asked. ‘No,’ Kyle said.
‘But I can’t be sure.’ Sam shot Micah a worried look…Sam walked past
where Kyle knelt and put a hand on his shoulder. ‘Don’t let someone else
decide who you are. You decide. You are free to make that choice no
matter where you’ve come from. Blood does not define you.’ Sam squeezed
Kyle’s shoulder reassuringly and tapped his own heart. ‘This does,
what’s in here. It’ll be OK. We’ll get Sera back.’ Kyle felt his throat
tighten at Sam’s compassion. It wouldn’t have been easy for anyone to
hear and accept what he’d just revealed; yet Sam had not shown any anger
or hatred toward him.”
20. “Sera washed her face, pressing a paper towel gently against
the cuts, and finger-combed her hair so that most of it fell into her
face. Her stare slid to the fleshy pads of her palms. She eyed the
markings. Dev had called them sigils. Now they looked like actual shapes
as opposed to random scars. The raised white one on her left hand was
like a crescent with two swirling lines beyond it. The one on her right
was neon red against her skin, the reverse to its partner, with three
pronged lines going across an inverted crescent. It’d been odd that her
right hand had been the one to flare up while she’d been in Xibalba. The
recollection made her shiver…The minute she saw Kyle, Sera completely
lost it, launching herself at him. Her eyes met his, and then her lips
found his. The kiss was hot and desperate. Sera crushed herself to Kyle,
wanting—needing—to pull every cell of his body into every cell of hers,
as if he were some kind of absolution from what she’d endured. She
ground her fingers into his shoulders and her lips into his mouth,
taking what he offered until she sagged against him. His strength was
real. Regardless of his secrets, that would never change.”
21. “Sera stared at her parents in stony silence. She felt as if
they all—even Kyle—were against her. She looked over to Kyle, who was
avoiding her gaze, and it bothered her more than ever. He’d lied to her
about his strange sensing ability. He’d lied about Jude. And he
certainly was lying now. Her anger soared. She started pacing, hot sweat
running down her back and arms. It felt like fire—hot fiery lava under
her skin scalding her veins, hotter than anything she’d ever felt. Every
second made the burn—and her anger—worse. White spots danced before her
eyes. She heard her father’s voice as if from within dense fog. ‘Sera,
you have to control it!’ ‘Control what?’ Sera gasped. The living room
felt as if it were spinning into blinding white circles, the floor
beneath her feet felt slippery. She felt suffocated by the heat. ‘The
part of you that is Azura,’ her father said gently. ‘That’s what you are
feeling right now, that fury taking over everything that’s inside of
you.’ He put a hand on her shoulder and Sera flinched away from his
touch. He stayed with her. ‘Breathe, sweetheart. Don’t give in to it,
that’s what it wants.’ ‘You make it sound like it’s alive.’ ‘It is.’
‘What’s wrong with her?’ she heard Kyle whisper to Micah. ‘The Dark
Realms, I would expect,’ Micah said. ‘Going there always leaves its
mark, even on the innocent. She breathed its air, saw its monstrosities.
I can’t imagine how she wouldn’t be [affected].’ ‘But she’s Sanrak.’
‘She’s the daughter of an Azura Lord, too,’ Micah reminded him. ‘The
Dark Realms always lay claim to their own.’… ‘Why are my hands stinging
so much?’ Sera stared at her right palm where the mark flamed red.
‘First, it was that one, now this one, and now they’re both burning like
crazy. What’s happening to me?’ Her veins shone in stark contrast
against the pale skin of her arms, darkening as blood pounded through
them. ‘It’s the seals,’ her father said, examining the scars on each of
her hands. He was careful not to touch either of them. ‘You were born
with two, marked by both Illysia and the Dark Realms. My guess is that
one would have remained dormant but, when you went through the portal,
the very fabric of the Dark Realms made it awaken.’ ‘Xibalba claims its
own,’ Kyle murmured, repeating Micah’s words. ‘Awaken? W…what does that
mean?’ ‘It means that you belong to both now,’ Micah said slowly”
22.
“After a while there was a soft knock on the door, and Kyle walked in
wearing a pair of her father’s sweatpants and a T-shirt. His springy
dark curls fell around his face. ‘Lose the mohawk?’ Sera said, grateful
for the company and the familiarity of him, especially in a world where
everything felt like it was tilting beneath her. Kyle sat on the floor
and leaned back against the side of the bed. He tucked some wet ringlets
behind his ears. They covered most of his tattoo. ‘I figured it might
make your mom a little more comfortable.’ ‘Looks nice,’ Sera said, and
went back to studying the lines in the ceiling. ‘You OK?’ he said after a
while. ‘Not really. How much of this stuff did you already know?’ ‘I
tried to tell you, but I didn’t know how to.’ Kyle turned to look at
her. ‘Would you have believed me? You thought I was nuts when I told you
about the Fyre stuff, remember?’ ‘You’re right,’ she agreed. ‘I
wouldn’t have. I still feel sometimes like I’m in the middle of some
unending dream, and that I’ll eventually wake up, but I never do. And it
just gets worse and worse.’ She twisted her body across the top of the
bed so that her head was next to his shoulder. ‘Thanks for coming to get
me,’ she whispered. He smiled, and the sweetness of it melted her. ‘Any
time.’ Her eyes dropped to his lips and she flushed. She couldn’t avoid
it forever. ‘So about that kiss…’ ‘I was going to ask you about that,’
Kyle said, turning so that his face was inches from hers. ‘What was that
about?’ Sera flushed, embarrassed by the memory. ‘I don’t know. I was
just so happy to see you, and it just happened. Are you mad?’ He laughed
and stared at her as if she were crazy. ‘Are you kidding? I’ve waited
to kiss you for years. Are you mad?’ ‘No, it wasn’t what I expected. I
mean it felt nice.’ She blushed and turned her face into her
arm…Suddenly a flash of Dev’s kiss filled her head and Sera banished the
thought furiously. She didn’t mean to compare them but once the thought
got stuck in her head, she couldn’t avoid it…Dev’s kiss had been
effortless…Everything about it had felt right. Perfect—like a Cinderella
kiss. But when she’d kissed Kyle, it, too, had felt right, just in a
different way. Their kiss had been desperate and filled with friendship
and longing and something else she couldn’t identify. There’d been
something dark in it, something fierce and primal. It had scared her,
but it had thrilled her, too.”
23. “‘It’s OK, Ser, I’m here. I’ll stay here with you as long as
it takes.’ They sat in silence for a while, each lost in their own
thoughts, with only the bedside lamp’s muted glow lighting the
room…[Sera] reached over and moved the hair off Kyle’s head, outlining
the edge of the tattoo with her fingertip. ‘Did you get these because of
Jude?’ she asked. ‘Yes.’ ‘Did you know what Jude was?’ Kyle looked into
her eyes. He didn’t want to lie anymore. ‘Yes.’ ‘Why, Kyle?’ she
whispered. ‘I mean, you knew what they did, what they do. I don’t
understand what you thought they or Azrath could give you. What was so
important that you’d risk your life for them?’ ‘I…you…’ Kyle held her
face between his hands. His lips moved but no words came from them. Sera
remained still as his thumbs stroked her cheeks. His eyes were pained
and she could see that he was struggling to voice what was inside of
him. She leaned forward and pressed a quiet kiss to his lips. ‘What was
that for?’ he whispered, taken aback. ‘Just because.’ Kyle smiled and
leaned his forehead against hers. They stayed like that for what seemed
like forever”
Monsters and Villains 